6-9 Why do children like to pretend to be adults , This book uses a lot of clinical experience and cases , By means of psychoanalysis , discuss 6-9 The inner world of a - year-old child , And put forward some suggestions for parents . In the first part , We said 6 To 7 Children at the age of , How did you begin to want to be a help “ Little adult ”. In the second part , Let's see 8 To 9 Children at the age of , How to seek independence , Became a cool kid .
List of articles
- 1 6-9 Why do children like to pretend to be adults ？ About author
- 2 6-9 Why do children like to pretend to be adults ？ About this book
6-9 Why do children like to pretend to be adults ？ About author
The author of this book is a psychologist at Tavistock Clinic, a top British psychotherapy institution ： Corinna · Avis and Biddy · Yoel .
6-9 Why do children like to pretend to be adults ？ About this book
This book was written by Tavistock Clinic “ Know your child ” The third book in the series . This book tells us ,6-9 With the physical and psychological changes of the aged children , The ability in all aspects has developed rapidly , Become less clingy to parents , More and more independent . But parents' care and support is still an important source of children's sense of security . Parents need to understand their children , Find the right way to get along with your child .
6-9 Why do children like to pretend to be adults ？ Preface
Hello , You are welcome to listen to this book every day . What the audio in this issue explains for you is 《6-9 Why do children like to pretend to be adults ？》.
stay 2019 At the knowledge conference in spring , We launched a batch of e-books exclusively . There is a set of very classic parent-child education series , It's called “ Know your child ”, The authors are psychologists at the Tavistock Clinic . You may not have heard the name Tavistock , This is a psychotherapy development center with a long history , Freud 、 Jung 、 Klein, these great gods in the history of psychology, have given lectures here . For psychoanalysts , Tavistock Clinic is like a holy land .
“ Know your child ” There are four books in this set , The content is divided by age . In this issue, I will introduce you to the third book , The title of the book is 《6-9 Why do children like to pretend to be adults ？》. The two authors of this book have long been engaged in therapeutic research on children's psychology and family parent-child relationship at Tavistock Clinic . In this book , They combine their own clinical experience and cases , Help us better understand 6-9 The inner world of a - year-old child , And put forward some suggestions for parents .
6-9 It is called the middle of childhood , During this period, the child's sexual impulse is in a state of temporary stagnation , The whole is quite calm , It is very suitable for learning skills and accumulating knowledge . So when parents get along with children of this age , Can be based on more psychological knowledge , Consciously guide the child's behavior .
The book divides this age group into 6-7 Age and 8-9 year . The two stages are very close in age , But children have changed a lot . children 6-7 At the age of , Physical and psychological changes are beginning to occur . The body has become strong from wobbling . Psychologically, because of learning 、 The ability to understand and express is advancing by leaps and bounds , The view of things began to change . At this time, children may not be so clingy to their parents , I even feel that my parents are really annoying , A hindrance , Especially when they want to achieve a certain wish through their own strength , But not so well . Then I was eight or nine years old , The child gradually finds a sense of physical and mental balance , Become more and more independent , Made friends at school , Become distinct , Also developed some hobbies . They are ready for their next step of growth , Gaining momentum .
Compare with children , It is easy for parents to be at a loss at this stage . The child has grown up , Parents are very happy , But this age group ,“ Bear children ” High incidence , I also have a headache . The child does some amazing things from time to time , Some are dangerous , Don't worry . Their mood swings , Start not listening to your parents , Even if you encounter difficulties, you may refuse to help them . And then , If you deal with it in a more intense way , Such as beating and scolding , It may not really solve the problem . Actually , As long as parents can understand the true meaning behind their children's words and deeds , You can often find ways to get along with your children .
But understand the real intention behind the child's behavior , Understand the characteristics of children's psychological changes , It is a big challenge for many parents . Fortunately, this is what psychologists are good at , It is also the value of this book . below , Let's go through two parts , Summarize the psychological characteristics of children at different stages .
In the first part , We said 6 To 7 Children at the age of , How did you begin to want to be a help “ Little adult ”.
In the second part , Let's see 8 To 9 Children at the age of , How to seek independence , Became a cool kid .
6-9 Why do children like to pretend to be adults ？ The first part
Let's start with 6 To 7 Children of this age , They are in this age group , The characteristic reflected is to be “ Little adult ”.
A child of six or seven years old is still young , But try to imitate the behavior of adults , Want to act like an adult . But because they are at this stage , Can't master the coordination and balance between body and mind well , So it is generally distressed . There is an urge to grow up , But it is restricted by various conditions . The reason for this phenomenon is closely related to their physical and mental development at this age .
Physically , Just got rid of the shaky times , Start to get strong , You can go farther , Can do more and more powerful movements . psychologically , Their thinking is developing rapidly , Language skills are constantly improving , They began to sprout social consciousness and abstract thinking ability . This will deepen their understanding of the world , But it also makes them confused . The new environment and new games are full of fun , But there is too much uncertainty , This makes them hesitate between being brave and staying in their parents' arms .
such as , The book cites an example of a child learning to ride a bicycle to illustrate this ambivalence . Yes 6 To 7 For the year-old , It's a big challenge . On the one hand, they need to coordinate their bodies and movements , Find the best balance . At the same time, we need to overcome the psychological fear of falling . So riding a bike , It is often the first big problem that many children encounter on their growth path . And many children will be in the process , I found that my parents can't do it for me , All the difficulties you encounter , All need to be solved independently . therefore , Learn to ride a bike , It can also be seen as the child gradually getting rid of the dependence on his family , The beginning of an independent life .
So the children at this stage , How to overcome ambivalence , Try to master the balance of body and mind ？ If you look closely , You will find that different children behave differently . Some children would like to have more independence , Just be brave , But most children will have repeated psychological changes , Swing between relying on your parents and relying on yourself . In order to help you better understand the reasons behind this psychological repetition , Let me start from the cognitive thinking ability 、 Family relationships 、 The importance of teachers and social interaction , To explain these to you “ Little adult ” What's different from before .
The first aspect , yes “ Little adult ” Our thinking and cognitive abilities have made new progress at this stage , Mainly manifested in the enhancement of the sense of reality .
Before the age of six , Most children's cognitive world is vague , They can't clearly distinguish between reality and imagination 、 The difference between abstract concepts and concrete things . But after the age of six , Children begin to develop abstract thinking , Time is understandable 、 Space 、 The concepts of volume , And began to learn simple logical reasoning . Famous psychologist Jean · Piaget put forward a set of theories about the stages of children's psychological development . He put the cognitive level of children at this age , Return to “ The specific operation stage ” in , in other words , Children are sorting 、 Digital processing 、 Great progress has been made in understanding the concepts of time and space , Gradually be able to use symbols to think logically , And gradually walk out of egoism , Begin to learn to think in a different position . This is a very important change , Because empathy is the key to the development of social interaction and empathy . meanwhile , They began to have relatively clear judgments about truth and falsehood , For example, children will know , There is a difference between a real dog and a toy dog , There is also a difference between truth and falsehood . All of this , They begin to have the ability to better distinguish everything in reality , And separate it from your imaginary world . And in the days that followed , The child's sense of reality will become stronger and stronger .
With the development of cognitive ability , Children's views and perspectives on the world begin to change . For children aged six to seven , They first observe the object of thought , Home and parents . So the second aspect , Let's talk about , Why is it said that the family at this stage is the practice ground for children's relations .
I said before. , At this time, the child has the ability of empathy and empathy , This is the core ability for people to deal with interpersonal problems . And family , It is the place where children learn to deal with interpersonal relationships first . stay 6 Before the age of , Children will believe that their parents can do anything , This is the source of their sense of security . But in the 6 After the age of , Children begin to have certain life experiences , And the understanding of the world has deepened a lot , They will find that parents are not omnipotent , There are things they can't do . But this time , The authority of parents in the hearts of their children will not be shaken . Parents' attention is still a matter of special importance to them .
Now by our side , There are more families with two children , Family relationships become complicated . If there are two or more children in a family , Children will have more special feelings . stay 6 After the age of , They will gradually find and try to accept that they are not the center of the world , Even mom and Dad don't belong to themselves , They also belong to other brothers and sisters , They belong to each other . This kind of understanding will make them lose something , And try to re recognize their position in the family , Re understand the relationship with parents and other family members . Empathy makes them pay attention to other people's thoughts and feelings , This will help them more easily accept that brothers and sisters share their parents' love and attention with him .
That sounds like , It seems that the child has become more sensible , But the research found that , There is a limit to how much time a child can have empathy in a day , You can't ask a child of this age to maintain the ability of a young adult to think about others all day . So once the child has exhausted this ability , They will return to the self-centered wayward child . But the next day , He may also come to apologize to you again , And help you do some housework . For a while, I was very willful , After a while, he acted very sensible , It is also a feature of this age group . The child is in such a swing state , Learn how to deal with people at home .
Outside the home , Many children will start primary school at this stage . So some children will gradually turn their attention from home to school . So in the third aspect , Let's talk about schools and teachers . For sixorseven year olds , In school they pursue more “ fair ” This matter .
Many adults may not have particularly high expectations of fairness . But for children , They have an exaggerated expectation of fairness at this age , They will take a fair world for granted . So when faced with injustice , Will be very wronged . But this kind of fairness in their eyes , It's just that things didn't go in the direction he expected , So he felt unfair . When children transplant their family life to school life , They will regard the teacher as the authority of parents , Regard classmates as brothers and sisters . Then use that set of relationship management methods learned from home to deal with school life . But school is not home after all , Children will feel unfair , Because the rules of family relations don't apply in schools .
Although many children have noticed the difference between home and school , At school they were just one of a group of children , But this does not prevent them from longing for special attention from teachers . If the school or the teacher can design and define some class systems , Create an atmosphere of class order and mutual respect , After accepting this order , It can minimize the unfairness that children feel when they encounter setbacks .
And besides the teacher , At this stage, the people who have the greatest impact on children are their friends . Making friends is a very important part of a child's life . This is the fourth aspect ,6 To 7 Year old children in social interaction , Often need encouragement and help . Their social circle has just stepped out of the family , I am curious and afraid of the outside world . And a mature friendship , Even among children , It must also be based on continuous efforts and gains 、 Empathy and respect for each other's differences , These abilities need to be practiced and cultivated . And if the child's making friends is particularly difficult , Proper guidance and encouragement from adults are also very necessary .
good , The above is the first part of our explanation , You'll find that 6 To 7 Children at the age of , Just growing up from infancy , Language thinking ability has been developed , Self - awareness has also begun to awaken , They will act like “ Little adult ”. But overall , Their physical and mental development is not sufficient , Need more time to coordinate and balance .
6-9 Why do children like to pretend to be adults ？ The second part
But it won't be long , Soon they entered 8 year , At this age , Their hearts and behavior patterns will change dramatically . This is our second part , have a look 8 To 9 Children at the age of , How did they get from “ Little adult ” Become a cool kid who wants to show himself .
What is a cool kid ？ A simple example ,8 Before the age of , You will see the parents' taste in dressing from the children's dressing , But in 8 After the age of , If parents do not interfere with their children , Then you can see some of the child's own styles in the appearance . Why is there such a big change ？ Because we said before ,6 To 7 Children at the age of , Still swaying between home and school , Hesitate between relying on your parents and acting independently . But after a year or two of wavering and hesitation , At the age of eight or nine , The child's physical and mental abilities are further enhanced , Better grasp of physical and mental balance , This allows them to freely use their abilities to achieve small goals . let me put it another way , They began to redefine themselves , And try to take some initiative in your life .
Their dependence on their families will continue to decrease , The focus of most children's lives , At the beginning, I prefer school at this stage . Of course, this does not mean that family is no longer important , in fact , Family stability is the source of children's sense of security , It is also the premise for children to show their best in the outside world . in addition , Children at this stage can clearly distinguish between reality and imagination , But at this time, all kinds of games rely on imagination , Still have a deep attraction to children , It's just different from 8 The way before the age of . Let's talk about family relations 、 social affair 、 And cultivate reading , Let's talk about the characteristics and problems of children aged eight or nine .
Let's start with family relationships . Children at this stage , Will explore family networks to find a sense of identity .
First ,8 To 9 The dependence on parents will be further reduced by the age of , And began to have a clear sense of identity , Gradually accept that you are not the center of the world , At the same time, I began to think more carefully about how to play a role in the family . But a lot of times , This sense of Independence , It also makes them prefer to go out of their parents' sight . Some parents will feel it very obviously , Their children suddenly don't like being close to their parents at this age , And will resist some parental intimacy . In fact, these behavioral characteristics are right 8-9 It's normal for a - year-old child . But if you look closely, you will find , At this time, the child's focus , May focus on other members other than parents , Like grandparents 、 Brothers and sisters or some close relatives .
For example, grandparents . Children of this age can already understand , These old people are the parents of their parents . And in the process of getting along with the elderly , Children will know many stories about their parents when they were young , This is the inheritance of family history . And this behavior , It has played a great role in the promotion of family parent-child relationship and the maintenance of emotional ties .
You can observe , At this time, children who have a good relationship with their grandparents , Maybe I've been chasing after my parents all day to ask them what happened in those years , They are particularly interested in these old things . besides , Grandparents also provide a safety net for their children to some extent . They can bargain with their parents on behalf of their children , You can also stand by your parents when they disagree with your child , Enhance persuasion . If the child has a better sense of security with his grandparents , So what happens at home , Children have one more place to live , A person to talk to . So if parents can let the elderly participate in family life more , This is right 8-9 The development of the self-identity of the aged children , It would be very helpful .
But here's the thing , Children of this age , Although I always like to show that I can control the overall situation , But the heart is still fragile . They can confidently explore the outside world , It is because they believe that they have no worries behind them . I believe that whenever you look back , family 、 The parents are there , They can return to safe haven at any time . And then if “ backyard ”, Even if it's just a small family change , Such as parents' long-term business trips , It also makes them feel uneasy .
In the book , The author mentions the story of a boy named Johnny . Johnny has been making excuses for not going to school for days , Stay at home all day . His parents thought he was being bullied at school . But I asked the school teacher , No such thing happened . So mom tried to communicate with Johnny , Ask what happened . Johnny cried and told his mother , He thought if he was at home , Mom will be safe , And dad won't pack up and leave them . After listening to this, mother realized , During this period, my husband changed his job , May work in another city . But they both thought it was an adult's business , So it was all discussed in private , Whenever Johnny shows up , They would all stop talking at once . But this caused Johnny's misunderstanding . Mom promised Johnny right away , Dad won't leave them , It's just some job transfer . But Johnny was skeptical .
In this case , Johnny's parents thought they were hiding well , But at this time the child is very sensitive , The slightest sign will make them associate . In the example, it's just a change of parents' jobs , If you really encounter such a huge change as the breakdown of your family , If the husband and wife do not handle it properly , The impact on children will be permanent . therefore , If a parent wants to make a major family decision , We must take care of the children's feelings . And for children of this age , Change itself is not terrible , The terrible thing is the sense of security that may be lost after the change .
If an eight or nine year old child believes , I am in a safe home environment , In the next step, they will generally begin to explore the outside world . At this age , Besides being with my parents , Children are more interested in social activities , And their social style is games . That's the second point we're going to make .
In the book , The author also mentioned , What children learn through games , As much as they learned in the regular classroom . So if you find that your child is eight or nine years old , I don't want to play games at all , Then we need to pay attention . Maybe your child is too shy , Or there are worries and troubles in your heart , Make it impossible for them to come forward and play with other children . And these concerns , It is usually difficult to solve by themselves , It would be much easier if someone helped .
Of course , Parents often worry about not playing themselves , It's what the children are playing outside 、 How do you play? 、 Who to play with . Children aged eight or nine are compared with children aged six or seven , The choice of games is very different . Sixorseven year olds will choose simpler games , They can't play with a little more complicated . And at the age of eight or nine , Children's physical and mental abilities have been greatly improved , They began to be attracted by some games with clear rules , Such as sports activities and board games . Both games are competitive , We all need to use our talents to defeat our opponents , This is also in line with the child's psychology that wants to mobilize his ability to show his skills . Some parents worry that their children care too much about winning or losing games , Affect emotions . But these competitive games , As long as you don't overdo it , Controlling your child's emotions is a great exercise , It can also teach him hope 、 disappointment 、 victory 、 The meaning of things like failure .
At the age of eight or nine, children can basically distinguish between play and learning , But sometimes , They still want to play more than study . In fact, rather than forcing them to learn , There is a good way for them to take the initiative to sit down and learn , This is the third point we want to make , Cultivate interest in reading .
Reading literacy is an important part of language ability , And the development of thinking ability , It is an important indicator to measure a child's comprehensive ability . If the child can master the language well , They can learn to enjoy the pleasure brought by words in reading , You can get a richer experience , Open a door to a colorful world for yourself .
But the children of this period , There are great differences in language proficiency . For example, when a child can read simple world famous works , Another child can only read simple picture books . At this time, parents should not rush to force their children to read , But to create a whole reading atmosphere in the family , Let children naturally blend in . For example, when a child sees his parents reading , They subconsciously think that these activities are part of the family culture , Then come in and get involved .
Of course, many parents themselves have no problem with reading , But I have concerns about what kind of books to show my children . In fact, don't worry too much at this time , Because at this stage, children's reading hobbies are obvious , They will have more persistent yearning for the fictional world . They like the kind of hero who has experienced a fantastic adventure , The story of overcoming difficulties and achieving success . Children immerse themselves in an imaginary story , The legendary experience of the hero in the story , Will let the child put himself in . These stories , In addition to helping children with language learning , It will also have a certain impact on the cultivation of children's personality .
Of course , If children really don't like reading , It doesn't matter , Some children like competitive games , I like making puzzles 、 Sudoku and find friends to play together , Don't force them to do what they don't want to do . These are all the personality expressions that they think are cool . The only thing to pay special attention to is , As I said before , If appear 8 To 9 It's a situation where a - year-old can't fit into a group at all . Because at this time, children are just beginning to seek recognition and independence , Not being able to integrate into the group will affect their future development , Will cause a big blow .
8-9 Year old children have grown up , Want to be independent , But still very fragile . A stable home network and home environment will make them feel more secure , Can safely explore the outside world . As for playing games with friends in a lively way , Read quietly . Children have different hobbies , Parents can follow their children's interests , Do some guidance . Children of this time , Learning ability is very strong .
6-9 Why do children like to pretend to be adults ？ summary
Speaking of this ,《6-9 Why do children like to pretend to be adults ？》 The core content of this book is about the same , Let's finally review .
In the first part, we explained 6-7 Children aged 12 are those who don't understand “ Little adult ”. They have just grown up from infancy , Language and thinking skills have developed rapidly , Self - awareness begins to awaken . But overall , Their physical and mental development is not sufficient , Need more time to coordinate and balance .
In the second part, we mentioned 8-9 Years old is a group of cool kids ready to go . They have gradually mastered the balance of body and mind , Begin to seek more individual independence and self-identity . This allows them to gradually turn their attention to the world outside their home , Want to show your skills in a broader space .
be relative to 6-9 The constant growth of a - year-old child , The mentality of parents during this period is also noteworthy . I once heard a mother talk about children 9 One thing at the age of . Children go to play with friends on Saturday , Mother is not at ease , Just keep following me . Children don't want their mother to follow them , Just avoid my mother all the way . This made the mother's heart hurt , Feel that children no longer need themselves . Actually , As children grow up , Parents' mentality also needs to be adjusted . If the mother let go properly , Give your child some independent space , She will find that the fun is over in the evening , The child will still come home .