Most of the difficulties encountered in communication can be found here

Treat each other sincerely , Esteem, , The other party just can't listen .

It was just a disagreement , Later, it developed into evil words .

No matter how , stay TA It's all wrong in front of you .

We all know to think in other places , I also thought for him , Why is it still useless ？

If you also encounter these difficulties in interpersonal communication , Be sure to read this 《 I'm you 》.

It was developed by French communication psychologist Pierre · It is compiled by pelisier based on years of research experience . This French phenomenal bestseller , Using the fable of the red and blue Kingdom , It vividly expounds that King AUM went through seven practices , Finally, master the method of communication , The story of resolving the water differences between the two countries .

This book tells us ： The establishment of all good relationships , It all comes from the correct understanding of others .

Share some reading inspiration ：

One . Most different opinions evolved into opposites and conflicts , The process is the same .

The book says ,“ Most differences evolve into conflicts in the same way . And this is related to social status 、 Age 、 Education has nothing to do with IQ .”

The intensification of differences , There are rules to follow . The premise of conflict resolution , It must be analyzed that the process of divergence evolution has several stages , To break through one by one 、 restraint .

The first stage ： explain → refute → Put forward an argument → refute → become shame

The second stage ： threat → Abuse 、 A personal attack

The third stage ： Violent conflict → Contradictions continue to intensify

This process is a vicious circle 、 An aggravating process , Maybe both lose , It is also possible that one side may win a complete victory and lose its vitality , Losers have resentment and revenge .

Correctly handle differences , The most important thing is to keep calm , Don't let emotion control reason . Don't explain the reason to the other party , Or try to convince the other party with more arguments , Even force to conquer each other , This is not a complete solution to the problem , On the contrary, it intensifies contradictions , Expand the situation .

Two 、 Insight into the nature of differences , Eliminating prejudice is the key .

“ In human cognitive nature , from ‘ I ’ To ‘ you ’ Separated by three mountains ： prejudice 、 Emotions and actions .”

Face disputes , People are used to two ways , Or self denial , Choose to escape , Give up what you want . Or you can't control your emotions , Fight with prejudice . The end result of the action is that both sides lose , And make enemies .

It's hard to face differences and there's really nothing to do , Can't you think of a third way to get the best of both worlds ？ Not at all .

Explore the root causes of differences , The essence is that both sides are too eager to protect their own interests , Express one's own opinions and ignore the information sent by the other party .

What's more terrible is that he made a fatal mistake , Only willing to believe what you hear and see , Believe in the illusion , Which leads to anger , Leading to the intensification of contradictions .

therefore , When there is a dispute , The key is to control your emotions , Keep calm , Not to be influenced by emotions . Meditate and explore the underlying causes behind emotions , Distinguish between illusions , What are the facts .

But because of the mystery of human nature and self-confidence , It usually produces 4 An illusion , Hindering the discovery of facts .

First of all , Others don't agree with us , Usually think the other party is against us ？ In fact, he has his own needs .

second , When others threaten us , Usually think the other person is trying to scare us ？ In fact, he was moved by his fear .

Third , When others insult or criticize us , It's usually thought that the other person is going to hurt us ？ In fact, he is experiencing pain .

Fourth , When others show contempt , Usually think the other party looks down on us ？ In fact, he despised himself , In order to balance the inferiority complex, I try to disguise myself with being high .

this 4 The root of this illusion is our inherent prejudice . So the second key to resolving disputes , It's the psychology of seeing each other's appearance , Understand and tolerate each other .

3、 ... and . A few tips to help you achieve a win-win situation

1、 Language communication , Don't use “ however ”, use “ and ” Instead of . Stand up for your demands without being arrogant , And can stabilize each other's emotions , Understand each other .

2、 Use more parallel wisdom . Treat the interests of both parties as a whole , Find the conditions that are met at the same time , Avoid conflict .

3、 Repeatedly confirm the other party's point of view , Create conditions , There is a chance for a mutually satisfactory solution to emerge , Achieve win-win results .

4、 Propose win-win solutions , Protect each other 、 cooperation 、 Sharing benefits .

In the book , The king of the blue Kingdom, AUM, took advantage of this 4 A little trick , The skill of self exchange , Let the people of red and blue become a community with a shared future , We have successfully realized that when pursuing our own interests, we can also take into account the demands of other countries , common development .

When dealing with interpersonal relationships , You can also use the skills of self exchange to draw inferences from one instance , Achieve proper handling of communication issues .